There It Is!

Following on from my exclusive investigation into Wayne Rooney’s sudden glut of headed goals, I can now announce that I have made an even greater discovery this morning.

It is a discovery which, in football circles, is not too far removed from the discovery of the Holy Grail or the Loch Ness Monster.

We all love Antonio Valencia. He has come in with the unenviable task of replacing Ronaldo and has been consistently very good all season. He’s banged in a few goals and has provided many assists. His running down the right wing has put opposing defences on the back foot over and over again but he doesn’t neglect his defensive duties and always tracks back to help out the full backs when needed.

I can however reveal that he has been doing all this with a significant handicap – he doesn’t have a left leg!

Yes, it is true. He only has a right leg. Or does he?

Thanks to the wonders of modern technology, I have been able to identify what does appear to be the missing appendage and I reveal my findings in the enhanced image shown above. I am sure you will agree that if you look very closely you will be able to see what appears to be a left leg (it is slightly obscured by the right leg but look closer and I am sure you will see it).

Excited at my discovery, I attempted to contact Antonio Valencia but was told he was currently unavailable to talk. The spokesperson did, however, say this:-

“We have spoken to Antonio on your behalf and he is very grateful for your efforts. He said that the missing limb had been a cause for great concern for him over the years but is extremely relieved to receive the reassuring news that he does actually have a left leg. Now that he knows it is there, he has promised to make every effort to use it in the future.”

I think I’m on a roll here and before the season is out I hope to solve a few more mysteries such as:-

Why does Paul Scholes think that sliding four yards into the back of someone’s legs constitutes a great tackle?

Why can Anderson play a forty yard pass and land it right on a team mate’s toe but cannot hit a target measuring approximately 192 square feet from ten yards?

And perhaps the biggest of them all… I will be investigating the rumour that Gabriel Obertan is actually a marionette which is controlled from a blimp above Old Trafford!